to begin, again.

Every now and then you meet someone new. You meet someone special and you want them to stick around. You want to get to know what makes them laugh; you want to get to know the cause of every scar they have and you want know which of their scars never healed. You want them to ask you why you cringe when they mention a specific word or why you don’t like waiting, in general. Every now and then you meet someone new; someone special and you think, this is it. He’s the one.

Well, I didn’t meet anyone new. Not really. I guess you can say I met someone old, in a whole new different way. I’ve just realized he’s been standing there all along. It’s kind of tough really for me to explain every inch of our story from any possible angle from the very beginning, it’s just not possible. I’d have to take you back, wayyy back to the time when I first met my ex-lover. Yeah, they’re connected. Closer than you think. You see, I already know what you’re thinking and because of this, we’ve decided that those (our closest friends) who already know the whole story, know. For those who know nothing, or only half of what they think it is, well, maybe it’s just better to leave it that way. I'm sorry.

 It’s not like it’s some deep dark dirty secret. Well, it is a secret (or secrets), but one we've been cleaning out by extracting then one by one, analysing, clarifying We took a day, no, a whole afternoon and sat down and laid out all the pieces and organised and cleaned up the mess. Like CSI, we've been fitting all the evidence and solving a murder mystery, making sense of all the pieces we’ve collected along the way - you’d be amazed at how perfectly the stories matched. Like pieces of a 1000 piece puzzle - I swear they fit like pieces of a puzzle – they matched to make an oh so clearer picture. And until everything was out, and everything was done, we weren’t letting it go. This secret had been kept long enough. Like a bad infection, it had manifested itself into something so nasty that everyone who touched it, got sick too. There was nothing else we could do.

So there you go. I can’t tell you how it came to this but I can tell you how it is right now. How I’m in love with a guy whose been in love with me for a very long time. And because of certain circumstances, I was too blind to see that - that all along, he had been the one who had been there for me, and how couldn’t be together because of so many things. But now I see it, and I (finally) see him.

I don’t know how to explain it really but finally, I don’t feel so inadequate anymore. The feeling, it's like, you don’t have to be afraid anymore, waiting for the day he chooses to leave because he has gotten bored of you, or because you’re not as amazing as he expected you to be. This guy has seen me and he loves me I never even had to try. And I love him back because he makes me feel like I am enough. And for a guy, all I’ve ever wanted was to feel was that I was enough for him. And I don’t know if you’ve ever felt that way about a person, but I can guarantee you that if and when you do, everything will change. You become someone different - a better version of yourself, the kind of person you always hoped you’d be but could never really figure out how to become. Things become a little more bearable the moment you look into their eyes and hear their heartbeat. I promise you, there’s no feeling in the world like finding someone like this. Even more when he's been there all along. 

no matter how hard the past is, you can always begin again.